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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, after that, I finally get a moment to breathe. I grab a cuppa from the staff room, and just as I’m about to take a sip, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? I’m spilling tea everywhere, running around like a headless chicken. Turns out, someone burnt their toast in the kitchen. Classic. We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standing there in my librarian cardigan, looking like a total dork.

Woman dies after hit by car in busy Chingford road